


pick-me-up

by gayriot



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Anal Sex, Break Up, Emotional Sex, M/M, Past Relationship(s), also i just want to make sad stuff so here we go, except writing instead of eating, i need to update so many other things lololol, my ex texted me and now im bitter again, this is based off of personal experience, time to eat my fealings, writing my feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-01
Updated: 2016-03-18
Packaged: 2018-05-24 03:28:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6140127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gayriot/pseuds/gayriot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>goddammit</em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i ran out of meds which means that insomnia has been beatin my ass even more so than usual and i wrote down this bullshit at 2-3 am. at some point i stopped writing for an hour, got intoxicated, then came back and wrote the rest of this bullshit and changed the ending to a happy one.  
> ALSO CODING IS A BITCH

you live in a rundown apartment in the part of the city where a shooting could happen at least once a month.

your sister can't visit you on the weekends without needing to bring a few weapons of choice which kind of sucks, and your dad refuses to go anywhere near the place, but you decide it could be worse. after all, you actually have a roof over your head. you have food and can provide for yourself and managed to maintain a bike for this long without it being stolen or badly damaged, and despite the potential dangers of the area, it's not bad. after so many months of arriving to the same apartment everyday, the unsettling feeling it used to leave on you has dulled.

you attend college online. online education has easily become one of the best things for you; you can go to class in your pajamas, you don't have to worry about arriving late, and it all happens from the comfort of your own room. never before have you been so grateful to be so completely lazy. sure, this means you don't have many friends (save for the guys down at the diner near jade where you work), but you don't mind. you're just happy to actually get 6 hours of sleep most nights.

unfortunately, tonight is not one of those nights.

a(nother) nightmare woke you up at midnight and left you grasping for any sleep you could get. after slipping in and out of consciousness for another hour or so, it became evident that you wouldn't be able to fall asleep again. so, you watched little monsters for the sixth time, a few sailor moon episodes, attempted to draw something not totally shit (you failed), and fucked around on the internet for a little while. 

you found a blog that posted gifs of actresses exploding and bookmarked it to show your buddy, jake, later on. you believe he'll appreciate it as much as you do. 

it's around 3 am when your phone notifies you of a new text. 

it's from someone you haven't heard from in a year, and despite all this time, your stomach still gets tied in fucking knots when you see the name.

_Dave: hey ebgret_

_Dave: sup_

you ignore the messages and shove your phone underneath your pillow.

_don't answer him john don't answer don't answer don't answ --_

it buzzes again. you turn your cellphone on do-not-disturb.

you feel angry at the fact that he's trying to contact you again. he cheats on you with some bitch he met at a bar who wears ugly red-tinted glasses, tells you to get over it, ignores you for a year, then tries to just come back and start up a conversation like nothing happened?

suddenly, your computer pings.

TT: John  


TT: I do realize that it's been quite some time since either I or my brother has made contact with you.  


TT: Also, I should mention that this is Rose. David refused to give me your number, but I was however able to obtain your Pesterchum handle. As you can see.  
it's been forever since you've talked to rose; she just reminded you of dave too much for you to talk to her. you admit that you've missed her greatly. 

EB: oh hi rose, long time no see! or speak for that matter, heh  


EB: is something wrong? it's 3 o clock and both you AND dave have messaged me  


TT: I'm afraid so.  


TT: Dave is telling me that he is having an "existential crisis worthy of a goddamn oscar leo aint got zilch on this shit"  


TT: He's gotten himself extremely intoxicated at the bar you two used to go to a lot.  
you almost smile at the mention of it, but try not to think of anything involving your relationship. it's something you'd rather block out of your mind now. 

TT: I, currently, am unable to go pick him up. Since you are the closest person to his location, I was wondering if you could please pick him up.  
you check your phone to see a wall of new messages from dave. 

_man palhochon egbabe i miss u sgo qmuch macn_

_the bartender herr looked like u and i yhought he waks u so ikissed him and he told me iv ddrank 2 much adn needed to leave i fucked uo_

_vu kno i acan see when it svays youkve read my texts_

_fuck nplease_

_rrosey is prschyo manalyzing me_

_caan u come gvet me please ki forgot which way vmy place is_

_i can send u ka pic of where i am and u can give m direction sokk_

_hewy i love u_

_did u geht mhy pic_

_oh wait fuck shit i didnt send ti_

_heyim sorru_

you wipe away a few tears that escaped (haha why are you crying you're over him duhh) and type out a response. 

_don't go anywhere, im coming to get you, ok?_

EB: alright, i'm leaving to get him now!  
you throw on a hoodie, slip on your sneakers, grab your keys and a pocket-sized can of pepper spray and head out to get his dumb ass.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is short imsorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my mom gave me an old marilyn monroe vinyl and i was like "holy fucking shit oh man this is so fucking cool i cant wait to listen to this shit marilyn monroe can shove this up my ass herself" and i put it on my vinyl player and
> 
> her voice
> 
> her voice sounded like the devil 
> 
> it was all deep and in slow motion and i think the devil is possessing my vinyl

"I know I...I said this alotta A LOT of times but...you're a real good guy, man. THE BEST. You."

You roll your eyes and nod, adjusting your arm to keep a better a grip on Dave.

"And you know what? I think your hair looks real nice. It's lookin' good, man. You are the best and so is your hair."

He tries to rest his head on your shoulder, but because he's so much taller than you are, it just dangles awkwardly off to the side. You open the door of the car waiting for you outside the bar and manage to push him in, ignoring his arms flying out to ruffle your hair. 

"Dave," you say sternly, "our driver doesn't have all day. Put on your seat belt."

"You're a seat belt."

"Dave. Please."

You look up and see your driver sighing. Fuck you dude, he doesn't have to deal with his drunk ex boyfriend who wants to play with his hair!

Giving up, you strap Dave into his seat to stop him from wiggling out of the car again and do the same for yourself. He pouts in his seat and crosses his arms. What a baby. 

One of his arms flies out to grab at your head, and you slap his hand away. 

"Hey," he whispers. He shakes his head and repeats himself, this time yelling it. 

"Can we get Taco Bell? Driver guy, can you drop us off at a Taco Bell?"

"No, we are not getting Taco Bell! I need to get you back to my place before you vomit all over the car!"

He sticks his tongue out at you.

"Whatever," he mumbles.

The rest of the ride is silent, save for Dave humming songs that sound vaguely Disneyesque. He taps out a rhythm on the head of the seat in front of him a few times, occasionally wiping tears from his eyes over his "magnificently sick beats." He doesn't try to touch you anymore, but he does look your way more often. The ride isn't very long, but it feels like hours, especially when he excitedly points at a dog through the window and coos at it, and you have to fight the urge to smile fondly at him. You hear the driver mutter something that sounds like "fucktard," but you ignore him. 

You help him to the door of your apartment with an arm around his shoulder. He smells like cinnamon apples and faintly of deodorant and this time you allow yourself to smile at the thought of him. 

"Wait...this isn't my house..."

Digging through your pockets for your keys, you glance at him with an eyebrow quirked upwards. 

"I told you we were coming back here, man."

He stares at you and then nods slowly.

"Are you high?" you say as you pull your keys out. He shrugs.

When you guide him inside, he looks around with his jaw dropped.

"It looks SO different in here!"

You chuckle and reply, "That's because this is a different apartment from last year, Dave. I moved a month ago. Take a seat somewhere, I'll be right back."

You walk into the kitchen and grab a water bottle from the fridge for Dave and a pack of crackers. When you return, you're expecting to see him waiting for you and possibly playing around with your laptop or something. But when you walk in, he's laying on a beanbag, glasses pushed into his hair with his face pressed into the fabric of the bag. Sighing, you place the bottle and pack of crackers on a table pushed into a corner of the room and throw an extra blanket from your bed over him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...sorry it took so long to get this out, i wasnt able to get a refill on my meds yet and ive been having some problems. then, my computer stopped working because of how close it was to my heater. but i had started writing this chapter the day i posted the first one and today is the only day ive had to work on it and i couldnt sleep so perfect opportunity to get shit done
> 
> but i was thinking whst if i did one more chapter becsuse this one didnt end how i wanted it to but i have a new idea for it now so


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> XXX RATD PORN GAY BOYS DOING THAT FULL SEX WHILE ALSO SOBBING HYSTERICALLY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLS LEAVE SUM COMMENTS AN WHATEVER BC I THRIVE OFF OF HUMAN VALIDATION <333

It's nine in the morning and your conked-the-fuck-out ex boyfriend is currently slumped over a beanbag and is talking in his sleep. It seems that he's dreaming of crocodiles from what you can tell by his mutterings. You watch him for a few minutes, listening to his talk of the crocodiles ("Eating you...means they're...friendly."), before getting up and scouring the fridge for something to eat. You'll have to go shopping soon by the looks of it; all you have left are some leftovers from the diner and a few other random things that probably aren't breakfast-y. They've been there for a few days now, but it should be fine to consume. You hope. This would be a question for Google if you weren't so entirely indolent.

Humming quietly to yourself, you throw some 5-day-old half-eaten diner pancakes into the microwave. The buzz of the machine keeps you somewhat alert as you fight the urge to collapse back into bed again. You glance at Dave once again, his mop of blond hair being the only thing you see of him as he sleeps. He twitches in his sleep, muttering unintelligibly, and then relaxes again.

The beep of the microwave interrupts your train of thought, but you don't mind because pancakes!!! Even if they're probably not as good as they were when you got them. You grab the plate, hissing when you burn your fingers on it. It seems that the sound of the microwave has disrupted Dave's never-ending slumber; sleeping beauty stirs in his sleep and you can hear him cracking nearly every bone in his body as he shifts from his position. 

He groans sleepily and pops something else before whispering something that sounds like "fuck" to himself. You poke your head out from the kitchen doorway with a pancake in your hand hovering in front of your face. 

"Morning," you say quietly.

His shoulders tense up and he turns around slowly. Half of his hair is sticking up all over the place and his shades are skewed across his face.

"Oh," he murmurs. Fixing his shades, he's clears his throat and speaks louder, "G'morning."

"Rose asked me to pick you up from the bar last night and you passed out here as soon as I brought you back."

"Oh...uh, thanks, I guess." He punctuates his sentence with a quiet grunt and rubs his head.

"I left some water on the table over there for you. I'll get you an Advil."

"...You got any Gatorade?"

You blink a few times, waiting for him to elaborate.

"I heard that sports drinks help in the morning."

Nodding, you think about when the last time was that you even bought anything like that.

"I think I have a half empty one," you tell him as you walk towards the fridge again. The pancake in your hand gravitates to your mouth. Grabbing a more-than-half-empty Gatorade (another thing in your fridge that's a few days old but that's alright) and scarfing your breakfast down, you walk back to Dave, who's slowly nibbling on a cracker. He takes the bottle from you, throwing you a pained yet thankful look, he chugs it down. You doubt that actually helps, but maybe it'll have a placebo effect on him. You never know.

He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. The two of you fall into a slightly awkward silence--it's been so long since you've talked to one another and now here he is, sitting in your apartment. Silently, you offer him one of your leftover pancakes by nodding to it and raising one eyebrow. He forces the corners of his lips upwards and shakes his head, rolling the now empty bottle between his hands. You nod and force a smile, tapping on your thighs to keep your hands busy.

"So..." he trails off.

"I should...clean up a little," you blurt out and immediately get to work picking up your plate of food. He clicks his tongue and nods.

* * *

"Thanks for letting me crash here," Dave tells you, "and for letting me use your shower and letting me borrow your clothes and, yeah." He rubs the back of his neck; you don't think you've ever seen him act so awkward before. He tugs on the shirt you lent him. It almost reaches his knees and it reminds you just how many inches you have on him in height.

"No problem!" You shoot him a quick grin. "Are you sure you don't need me to drive you back to your place?" You think you see his face redden a little, but you can't tell when he has his glasses on. 

"Nah man, you done enough. I'm just gonna catch a bus, I'll be fine. Don't worry 'bout a thing."

Running a hand through your hair, you smile again at him. "Okay, but hey, don't be a stranger! You ever need me to, like, pick you up at three in the morning again or something like that, give me a call!" you joke. He chuckles lightly at that and no heart stop that fluttery nonsense.

"Will do." He gives you a two-fingered salute, and then suddenly, you're being pulled into the most awkward-yet-wanted hug ever. He has one arm wound tightly around your shoulders, the other behind his back, with his chin resting on your shoulder. He mutters something next to your ear, which you think might be another "thanks."

You wrap your arms around him and pull him closer, taking advantage of this moment because right now you're pretty sure this is the last chance you'll get to have him close to you like this. Every molecule in your body is screaming at you because _no, stop that, he hurt you, what're you doing???_

When he pulls away, there's something warm on your cheek for a split second, and you realize it's his lips. He backs up, but you catch the corner of his mouth with yours. You're close enough to be able to see slightly through the dark shades he's donning. His eyes are cast downwards and you wonder what he's thinking right now.

"John-"

You press your lips to his, squeezing your eyes shut tight. It's a close-mouthed kiss, and yet you can feel every emotion you've ever felt for Dave pour out of you. You assume he can feel it, too, by the way he moves his hands to hold your face in place. Your lips part for a moment. He rests his forehead on yours.

"You don't have to go right now, do you?" you whisper against him, eyes still shut. You feel him shake his head.

Immediately, you drag him towards your bed. You sit down on the edge of it and he makes his place in your lap, straddling your hips. He rests his lips on the bridge of your nose.

"Tell me when to stop," he hums. 

Letting your eyes flutter shut again, you run your hands up and down his arms. His mouth moves down to yours and places a gentle kiss there. You open your mouth and suck lightly at his bottom lip. Your hands reach up and hesitantly grab the arms of his shades, waiting for him to give you the green light.

He pulls away and speaks, "Can we shut the blinds first? You know, still on the border of Hangover City over 'ere, don't think light's gonna do much good for my eyes."

"Oh, yeah, of course," you reply, shifting his weight off of you and reaching behind you to shut the blinds. "That better?" 

He nods and returns to his original position. Sunglasses are taken off, and he blinks at the sudden change before his eyes dart about the room, refusing to look at you. Dave rubs the back of his neck, forcing his mouth to remain in a straight line. You can tell he's apprehensive about having his eyes exposed, even after all this time.

"Hey," you start, "look at me."

He casts his gaze down to you, resting it on your forehead.

"I love your eyes," you go on.

His cheeks turn bright red, freckles blending in with the color.

"I...pssh, damn Eggs...yer a real ladies' man..." he splutters.

You giggle and slide your hands underneath the shirt he wore. He gasps at your hands--they're probably really fricking cold, so you don't blame him! 

He wastes no time in getting both of your clothes off and having you laid down beneath him on the bed. 

He heads down your chest and mouths over your nipple. His hand ghosts over your entrance, occasionally prodding at it (it's been a while since you've gotten laid and _damn_ does it feel strange), while his other hand strokes your dick. He nips at your chest and you keen as your back arches off the bed. You run your hands through his hair as he ruts against you.

Quickly, he sucks on two fingers. They slide from his mouth with a pop, and you watch him work as he slowly starts preparing you. Gradually, his fingers stretch you out. You hiss at the sensation, leaning your head back.

Once he thinks he's done, he looks up and asks you, "Got any lube? This'll hurt like a bitch." His hand on your dick never ceases movement, going for longer, slower strokes now. You think back to the last time you actually did something with your dick where you'd need lube, finding it very hard to recall.

"...Check underneath the bed?" you suggest.

Letting go of you, he leans over the edge of the bed. You hear him let out a small noise of victory as he comes back up with an orange bottle of lube. You're not sure how long it's been sitting under there, but you don't say anything as he pops the cap open. After squeezing more than enough on to his fingers, he goes back to stretching you out again. 

Taking the bottle from him, you squeeze some out onto your hands and cover his dick in it. Dave gasps when you touch him, motions stalling for a moment as he leans into you.

"Well...fuck," he pants out. You smile, when his fingers inside you start moving again and it's your turn to start panting. "Get ready man, 'boutta release that Kraken." The rolling of your eyes is interrupted by the loud gasp that emits from you. You can feel the tip of him entering you and holy shit, you'd almost forgotten how different this feels from his fingers.

Dave wraps his arms around you as he slowly rocks into you, no rhythm or pattern to his movements. You groan, fingernails digging into his back. He kisses you sloppily, mouth open and tongue sliding against yours. 

"...I love you," you hear him whisper. 

And then, you start crying. Great.

His thumb wipes away the tears flowing down your face, but it doesn't help much. They mingle with your spit as you kisses you hard, and you feel like a mess as it dribbles down both of your chins a little. Gross.

"I'm sorry."

His thrusts are deep and slow, as if he's afraid of hurting you.

(Even though he's done it before.)

"I never loved Terezi, I swear."

So that's her name.

"I hooked up with Jade one night, too. When we were drunk. But it didn't mean anything."

You grab his hair and hold on tight. He doesn't do anything to stop you from sobbing now.

"I almost did with Karkat, too. When we were dating."

You want to hate him. You do hate him. You know you do.

"I'm sorry."

Get him off of you. You're going to be sick.

"I love you."

You're going to be sick.

"Please tell me you hate me."

You can't.

"Please."

You're still a moaning mess below him. Your breaths are interrupted by hiccups and you can't seem to stop the sobs coming from you. And yet, you're still letting him fuck with you. Mentally and psychically. You hate yourself for it.

Your mouth moves down to his neck. You suck and bite right below his Adam's apple, making sure to leave a dark bruise there. He groans next to your ear, and you love it. You hate that you love this.

"John--"

You hate that you love him.

"I'm about to--"

"Don't pull out."

He comes within seconds, and you let him stay inside of you because you know he's always liked that. You follow him after another fifteen seconds, trembling and yelling curses at him. You yell that you love him, that you want him to die, that you wish he would never leave. And he stays holding you while you claw at his spine, whimpering and sniffling because everything hurts so differently right now.

"I hate you...fuck, I...Dave, I love you...I hate myself," you mutter. "I'm never doing this again. Don't ever call me again. Tell Rose to go fuck herself."

You fall asleep clinging to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DO U KNOW HOW MUCH I HATE WORDS LIKE "NIPPLE" AND SUCH ALSO THIS SUCKED BUTT :ppp

**Author's Note:**

> GUYS snckpck followed me on twitter abd talked to me fycking shove evrythign in my ASS


End file.
